Courtship
I was participating in a blog hop last week over at A Woman’s Place and ended up at a blog called Liturgical Time. While I was there, I started to look around and found a series of posts Michelle did on the topic of Courtship.
The idea of courtship has intrigued me for a few years. But I really had no idea what it looked like. I didn’t date much in high school at all; not just because my parents were strict, but also because I just wasn’t very popular – I was pretty geeky. It wasn’t until college that I began to stretch my wings so-to-speak. I let loose – did a little drinking and a lot of dating. I made a ton of mistakes. I got my heart broken several times. I was even date-raped.
Why would I want this for my daughter? Heck, why would I want that for myself again either? Now that I’m going to be single again very soon; I have begun to think about how on earth I am even going to be able to meet someone, much less date and ultimately remarry.
As a 40-something, stay-at-home mom; I don’t get out much. We go to Mass and we do our shopping. We go to LegoFan’s doctor’s appointments; and during the school year, we went to Diva’s jump roping team practices. While Mass would be the ideal place to meet someone, none of these other places provide many opportunities. To top it all off, our church has over 4,000 families and it’s difficult to meet people period. Not to mention that there’s not a single single male pictured in our directory. Yes, I checked 🙂
Yet interestingly enough, a young lady whose page I follow on facebook, Stay-At-Home Daughter, became engaged recently. She wrote this post on her courtship with her now fiance, Chris. And she links to his blog, Striving For Wisdom, where he discusses why he chose Ashley over all other women. I read both blogs with tears in my eyes. What wisdom they have! This 40-something year old Mama can learn a lot from these two young people. If only I had half the qualities Chris sees in Ashley!
But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn them – yes, this ‘old dog can learn new tricks’ – I mean most of them are straight out of the Bible! And while courtship is not mandated in the Bible, I can see how it allows people to preserve themselves physically and emotionally; which is in the Bible.
In thinking about dating vs. courtship, I am becoming more and more inclined toward the latter. It’s a practice that I can see implementing in my daughter’s life; as well as my son’s. And it can start now. Even though they are young, I can instill in them the idea of courtship. And now that I am about to be single, I can show them. But I have one question…
What does courtship look like when you’re in your 40’s, have children of your own, and no parents close enough to guide you through the process?
4 Comments
Melissa Edens
A while back, I wrote a post on my own blog about dating vs. courtship being more a difference of “ritual” and family-involvement vs. a more personally-based (and aimed) journey. Your question here – what does courtship look like at 40? – might make a good follow-up post. Thank you! If you’d like to read it, the link is here: http://tillieisms.blogspot.com/2012/05/power-of-words-going-on-date.html
You’ve written a good post!
Chandra D (@ShiftC)
Well, I’m not sure what courtship looks like at 40, but I do know one thing: God knows what’s best for you, for us! It’s easier said than done, but pray and seek God’s will for your potential dating life. He has the best plan A for you.
http://www.momomod.com
thenewbec
I don’t know what it looks like at 40, but I can already see beautiful things rising out of all this and it makes me smile for you 🙂 I can encourage you in that I have a sweet friend who, after her second painful divorce began dating again at around 40. She has been married to an amazing man of God now for 5 years. God has used her in such powerful ways over these past several years and awakened the person she was meant to be all along.
The hubs and I sort of did a mesh between courtship and dating as teenagers. I loved where you said “And while courtship is not mandated in the Bible, I can see how it allows people to preserve themselves physically and emotionally; which is in the Bible.” It’s not about being bound to legalistic procedures, it’s about the freedom to live joyfully. And God is certainly the authority on how to do that!
Blessings 🙂
jennibell
Hmmmm. . .courtship. . .interesting topic. While I always get frustrated with people who won’t allow their children to date, I also don’t want to fall in the trap of not expounding our values and beliefs on our children enough. Sigh. Courtship is a good alternative for sure! I think, for you, you would first and foremost be modeling for your children what you hope would be their “view” of how a man and woman begin a relationship. In addition, like with courtship, your children should be as much a part of the relationship (as important to “him”) as you because courtship, ideally, leads to marriage and marriage would include your children. And because you don’t want to bring people in-and-out of your children’s lives you’ll need to be cautious and careful about your physical contact and even emotional intimacy. . .”my good friend John and his kids” for example, would be how you would introduce and refer to him rather than seeing him “secretly” (which could lead to impulsiveness) or “acting like” a couple when you are all together. Surely you can get to know someone on the surface with your children in tow. . .the tables have turned — they are your chaperones! Or no? I don’t know. . .I appreciate you providing all the links and giving me something to chew on since I have four children who are growing up too fast and decisions will need to be made sooner, probably, rather than later. . .